I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
