So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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