who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
