They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
