if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
