Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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