smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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