I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
