Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
