dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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