my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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