thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
