I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
