Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
