I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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