I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
