how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
