Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
