Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
