I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
