I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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