So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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