yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
