So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I love having hate sex.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
