I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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