When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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