smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
