I puked a lego.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
