Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
