i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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