There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
