i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
