why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
