What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
