I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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