remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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