I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
