I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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