You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
