VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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