I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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