I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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