i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
