you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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