i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
