oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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