i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
