my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
