Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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