I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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