just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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