Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
