Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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